Friday, December 01, 2006

Astronatas

When you read the Letters section in websites such as Malaysiakini, you can't help but feel that Malaysians are the most unpatriotic people in The Galaxy.

Clearly, these myopic idiots can't see why it's important for The First Malaysian in Space to conduct experiments on Batik Printing and Teh Tarik.

Allow me to enlighten you unscientific morons:

The Importance of Batik Printing

When senators from all over The Galaxy meet at an Upacara Rasmi to debate the impending Attack of the Clones, and Malaysia decides to send Hishamuddin as its representative, surely he should be smartly attired in Batik.
Surely you realise that representatives from other planets will laugh at him if he was seen waving his keris dressed as Queen Amidala, while delivering the following important pantun:

Kalau nak belajar jadi Jedi,
Belajarlah dari Encik Yoda,
Cina semua boleh tutup kedai,
India semua boleh po'dah

So you see, Batik Printing is a very important component of the National Space Progamme.
It's a matter of National Pride, dammit!


The Importance of Teh Tarik

It is a celeverly kept secret that Mamaks actually own this country. But no one knows about it. We're all ignorantly walking around in a Maggi-goreng induced stupor. We don't know about this because the sneaky buggers wont declare their Equity. Consider the following figures:

Malay Equity: 18.6% - 225% depending on who's releasing the figures
Chinese Equity: 99.99%
Indian Equity: 1.3% in toll change
Dan lain-lain Equity: They're dan lain-lains. Who cares?

So where are the figures for Mamak Equity? Told you they were sneaky buggers. They won't declare it because they don't want to arouse our suspicion!
Okay, so the Mamaks have colonised Malaysia.
Next, they'll colonise Earth.
Then what?
To Tarriiiikkkk where no man has Tarriiikkked before!
Sneaky buggers.

So now do you understand the importance of The Malaysian Space Programme? You ignorant bunch of losers?
No?
It's the Malay Space Progamme, you say?
Hmmmmmmm...
Well, you do have a point there, I guess.

So:

In order to make the Malaysian Space Programme more Malaysian, I would like to suggest that subsequent Astronauts sent into space be non-bumis:

Malaysian Space Programme 2

Send TWO Indians to space to train under a Jedi master, so that they can master the Jedi Arts, learn to use a lightsaber, and then fight...each other.

The Indians should be supplied with many bottles of Seven Seas whisky/tape-head cleaner in order for them to also find out the trajectory of puke in space.

Malaysian Space Programme 3

Send a Chinese into space in a rocket loaded to the brim with toilet-paper and tell him/her to "use it to wipe Uranus".

Malaysian Space Programme 4

Send a Dan Lain-Lain into space and forget to bring him/her back.

Malaysian Space Programme 5

Send an Orang-asli into space with instructions to "sumpit a lethal poison dart into a black hole, with the hopes that it will travel back in time and come back and hit whoever it was that suggested sending a Malaysian into space in the first place."

16 comments:

A Babe Of Very Little Brain said...

you suck good.

Anonymous said...

brilliant!
i ve been a follower of Lily.She s wicked.
Guess u too.Write more.Im sneakin arnd readin blogs in office.Truly Gov style.



-sofee-

Anonymous said...

brilliant!
i ve been a follower of Lily.She s wicked.
Guess u too.Write more.Im sneakin arnd readin blogs in office.Truly Gov style.



-sofee-

lilyliverbird said...

oi sofee,
how come comment here and never comment in mine. Traitor :p

Pazuzu is ugly. Serious.

princesswaffzonkle said...

i heard there was a 2nd entry.

it's true.

Anonymous said...

lily yg rekomen tempat ni, bagus juga ya...

sunnysideup said...

hi pazuzu.
thx to lily i have another blog to read

Su-Yin said...

But Indians can't fight with lightsabers.

They fight with belts, Basta 15 weedkiller and a pistol which shoots an infinity of bullets.






Okay lah, sometimes they use kerosene too - to set their family members on fire.

designJUNKIE said...

I'm here. YOU SUCK. Now I'm gone.

Lily suruh ye...:)

ainee said...

ok. ur suck. blajar more from lily. y on earth queen amidala? star wars freak ek...

Idham said...

hehehe i am here bcoz my litle honey bun asked me to come and leave behind a comment of this nature...
"that u sucks"
huhuhuhu.....pls forgive me.....for saying so. i am normally very polite, but u see... i never disobey litle lily....she is the dominant one!

whip me honey@@@@!!!!

idham

Keropok said...

Fucking racist! How dare you leave our the punjabis!

Anonymous said...

indians boleh podah? Tad bit racist aren't you? You suck.

-YNWA-

kna said...

Dear floatingturd,

I maybe slow but I got here eventually.

Lily said u suck and normally she is right on the money. But you are good!!!Damn good!!!


Rgds,

DareDevil8 said...

mamaks are sneaky?????
wahlauwei!!!!!!
if u guard your arse well u should be OK
cause they are arse player,look at Mahat*** and Anw**,it's a game of RISK

pazuzu said...

babe,
i aim to please.

sofee,
yes. Lily is wicked.

Lily,
I'm not ugly, I'm rugged.

princess,
there's a 4th now. sorry la. no time to reply here. i work. unlike some people whose name rhymes with Silly.

anon,
Terima Kasih.

sunnyside,
yes yes. lily lily lily. everywhere i read, it's her again!

suyin,
indians can TOO use lightsabers. the force is strong with us. esp. when we drink.

design,
gawd...her again...

ainee,
see above comment

idham,
yes yes...i sucks...i get it. now go get ur whipping

keropok,
i've never seen a punjabi. i guess it's because they're always behind me.


anon,
I'm indian. but I have friends from all races. And I hate them all equally.


kna,
finally! someone who isn't being blindfolded and whipped by The Liverbird.

Daredevil,
I will risk my life to uncover the truth. Or have a beer. Whichever comes first.