Astronatas

When you read the Letters section in websites such as Malaysiakini, you can't help but feel that Malaysians are the most unpatriotic people in The Galaxy.

Clearly, these myopic idiots can't see why it's important for The First Malaysian in Space to conduct experiments on Batik Printing and Teh Tarik.

Allow me to enlighten you unscientific morons:

The Importance of Batik Printing

When senators from all over The Galaxy meet at an Upacara Rasmi to debate the impending Attack of the Clones, and Malaysia decides to send Hishamuddin as its representative, surely he should be smartly attired in Batik.
Surely you realise that representatives from other planets will laugh at him if he was seen waving his keris dressed as Queen Amidala, while delivering the following important pantun:

Kalau nak belajar jadi Jedi,
Belajarlah dari Encik Yoda,
Cina semua boleh tutup kedai,
India semua boleh po'dah

So you see, Batik Printing is a very important component of the National Space Progamme.
It's a matter of National Pride, dammit!


The Importance of Teh Tarik

It is a celeverly kept secret that Mamaks actually own this country. But no one knows about it. We're all ignorantly walking around in a Maggi-goreng induced stupor. We don't know about this because the sneaky buggers wont declare their Equity. Consider the following figures:

Malay Equity: 18.6% - 225% depending on who's releasing the figures
Chinese Equity: 99.99%
Indian Equity: 1.3% in toll change
Dan lain-lain Equity: They're dan lain-lains. Who cares?

So where are the figures for Mamak Equity? Told you they were sneaky buggers. They won't declare it because they don't want to arouse our suspicion!
Okay, so the Mamaks have colonised Malaysia.
Next, they'll colonise Earth.
Then what?
To Tarriiiikkkk where no man has Tarriiikkked before!
Sneaky buggers.

So now do you understand the importance of The Malaysian Space Programme? You ignorant bunch of losers?
No?
It's the Malay Space Progamme, you say?
Hmmmmmmm...
Well, you do have a point there, I guess.

So:

In order to make the Malaysian Space Programme more Malaysian, I would like to suggest that subsequent Astronauts sent into space be non-bumis:

Malaysian Space Programme 2

Send TWO Indians to space to train under a Jedi master, so that they can master the Jedi Arts, learn to use a lightsaber, and then fight...each other.

The Indians should be supplied with many bottles of Seven Seas whisky/tape-head cleaner in order for them to also find out the trajectory of puke in space.

Malaysian Space Programme 3

Send a Chinese into space in a rocket loaded to the brim with toilet-paper and tell him/her to "use it to wipe Uranus".

Malaysian Space Programme 4

Send a Dan Lain-Lain into space and forget to bring him/her back.

Malaysian Space Programme 5

Send an Orang-asli into space with instructions to "sumpit a lethal poison dart into a black hole, with the hopes that it will travel back in time and come back and hit whoever it was that suggested sending a Malaysian into space in the first place."