Welcome to another edition of Weekend Fun!
If, for some reason, you aren't stoned or drunk while reading my blog, then you will remember that in my last Weekend Fun entry, I had generously showed you how you can become famous and rich by Invading The Subconcious of Malaysians via TV News Shows.
I am pleased to announce that I have taken my own advice and, due to my famousity*, am now the star of an on-going advertising campaign along with footballers Michael Owen, Steven Gerrard, Robert Pires, Ryan Giggs, Maya Karin (Cristiano Ronaldo with make-up) and Some Chinese Guy.
The thing is, I didn't even have to stake out a news-crew to get famous. As Blogger of the Year, I was invited, yes- INVITED, to a press-conference by former Prime Minister Tun Dr Doom...errr...I mean, Mahathir:
Folks, this is how you become famous.
Anyway, while I was there, I was mesmerised by Toon's (no offense, Anttyk) views on War and whatever.
You see, Toon has actually set up a War-Crimes Tribunal to try Bush, Blair and "that pocket bush from the bushlands of Australia (HaHa! Good one, Toon! You should host the next Oscars! Really!)"
The setting-up of this Tribunal is made even more remarkable by the fact that Toon is now, as he calls himself, a Commoner and Citizen of Malaysia.
After listening to him, I was inspired. I mean, a War-Crimes Tribunal! If that's not a good way to have some Weekend Fun, then I don't know what is! Or at least I won't know until next week.
So anyway, here's how you, a useless Commoner, can set up your own War-Crimes Tribunal:
First you have to induce senility.
You must do this so that, as a War-Crimes Tribunalist, you yourself are beyond reproach.
You can induce senility by drinking large quantities of Balalaika Vodka, which is distilled locally using Paraquat and possibly Dettol.
For example, if, in your crazy youth, you happened to remove a Lord President or two, one bottle of Balalaika will make you completely forget this.
Or if, on your 21st Birthday Party, you got really drunk and threw-up and hired a stripper and arrested a few-hundred people under the ISA, three Balalaikas should do the trick.
Now that you're drunk, senile and think you're Mother Teresa but only not as ugly, you're ready to start your own War-Crimes Tribunal!
You may invite Toon to join in the fun, along with a few Friends, as the following example shows:
Chandler: Hear ye! Hear ye! The Tribunal is now in session! The honourable Toon Dr. M presiding!
Dr. M: Order in the court!
Chandler: Toon, who should we charge with a War-Crime?
Dr. M: Order in the court!
Rachel: But you said that already!
Dr. M: Said what?
Rachel: Order in the court.
Dr. M: Hey! You can't say that! I'm supposed to say that!
Rachel: I know. I'm saying that you already said it. Twice. Don't you remember?
Dr. M: I remember nothing! You have nothing on me! Nothing! Bailiff! Remove Rachel from this court and arrest her under the ISA!
Ross: But you can't do that! You're no longer the PM!
Dr. M: Remove Ross as well. And put him in a cell with Rachel!
Dr. M: Okay-okay. Quickly. Who should we charge with a War-Crime?
Joey: Let's charge Santa Clause!
Dr. M: Why?
Joey: Why not? It's not like he'll actually be sentenced or anything, right?
Dr. M: Good point. Okay.
Chandler: Santa Clause! You are hereby charged in absentia with War-Crimes!
Dr. M: All in favour of a guilty verdict say setuju!
Dr. M: All against say tak setuju!
Monica: Tak setuju.
Dr. M: Santa Clause, you are hereby convicted of War-Crimes. From now on, you will forever be known in history books as Santa Clause-Killer of Children. Border in the Port!
Chandler: Don't you mean Order in The Court?
Dr. M: Whatever
Thanks to the always-inspirational Toon Dr. M and me, you have yet another fun-filled activity to fill your weekends with fun with. Or something.
With your very own War-Crimes Tribunal, you can now charge just about anybody with a War-Crime! All in the name of whatever!
This has been another episode of Weekend-Fun.
My name is Pazuzu. And I am Fun-ky.
*Because I'm now rich and famous, I can make up words as and when I please. If you don't like like it, you can chuggadeebu.