Wednesday, February 28, 2007

Porn on the 31st of August

You know what the problem with this country is?

No. That's not it.

Nope. Not it either.

No No No.

N...

Okay. So there are many problems with this country. It was a rhetorical question, dammit.

The problem with this country is this:

There's not enough locally-produced porn.

I mean, sure. There's stolen private videos and hidden cam stuff and all that.
But the quality is bad. The acting is bad. And worst of all: There's no script. No plot.
There's nothing for potential sexual criminals to get off on. Which is why sexual crimes are on the rise. Or maybe they're not on the rise. I didn't actually bother to check. But I'm assuming they are because I'm irresponsible and proud of it.

So, in line with the Government's efforts to stop sex crimes by using ridiculous methods, I, Pazuzu, am hereby publishing, without any expectation of payment, Malaysia's very first porn script, which has been approved by both The Information Ministry and Dewan Bahasa:


Gerak Hasnah: The Movie


Doktor: Hmmm...kenapa dengan awak ni, Hasnah?

Hasnah: Saya sakit dada, doktor.

Doktor: Baiklah. Mari saya periksa.

Pokok: Mmmmm...

Gamelan music comes on.

Hasnah: Mmmmm...Doktor.

Doktor: Mmmm...Hasn...Eh? Apa ni?

Hasnah: Inilah tali-pinggang chastiti saya, yang diluluskan oleh SIRIM dan Istana Negara. Sila tunggu sebentar sementara saya mencari kunci untuk membukanya.

Doktor: Baiklah.

Nurse: Mmmm...can I join in?

Doktor: Oh tidak. Malangnya, wajah Pan-Asian anda tidak sesuai dipaparkan di kaca televisyen negara kita Malaysia yang merdeka! Berambus!

Nurse: Ya, Doctor.

Pokok: Mmmmm...

Doktor: Hasnah, kenapa lama sangat ni?

Hasnah: Kunci saya sudah hilang, Doktor.

Accappan: Ada orang hilang kunji, kaa? Saya ada jumpa ini kunji di luar.

Hasnah: Accappan! Apa awak buat di sini?

Accappan: Penulis skrip telah memasukkan watak saya untuk menunjukkan bahawa negara kita Malaysia yang merdeka adalah terdiri daripada rakyat yang berbilang kaum! Sekarang, saya mesti pergi dulu.

Doktor: Baiklah.

Hasnah: Doktor! Dengan menggunakan kunci yang dijumpai oleh Accappan ini, saya telah berjaya membuka tali-pinggang chastiti saya!

Doktor: Mmmmm....

Hasnah: Mmmmm...

Pokok: Hentikan adegan lucah ini dengan segera!

Hasnah: Eh? Pokok ajaib!

Pokok: Saya bukan pokok ajaib! Saya sebenarnya Menteri Besar Terengganu dan Pengerusi Kelab Mat Skodeng Malaysia yang Merdeka! Selama ini, saya menyorok di belakang pokok ini sambil merakam kegiatan lucah awak berdua! HaHaHaHa!

Hasnah: Doktor, pada pendapat saya, kami berdua perlu insaf.

Doktor: Baiklah.


TAMAT


Okay. So maybe it's not such a good idea to produce a locally-made porn movie after all.
Stupid me.
I think I'll go work for the government.



-------------------------------------------------------



Please disregard the previous post. Sometimes Stupidity has the power to inspire.

11 comments:

princesswaffzonkle said...

im sleepy. oh hey its gomen teh tarik time. lets go have an hour break from the hour lunch break earlier?

Keropok said...

Persatuan kami menyahut rekomendasi saudara.

"Menjaga akhlak rakyat demi kesejarteraan negara".

b/p Pengerusi
J/kuasa Pengelola Makanan Ringan
Kelab Mat Skodeng Luar Negeri (KEMALUAN)

Keropok said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
daryl said...

stupidity is like atomic energy. it can be used for good or evil, and you don't want to get any on you.

lilyliverbird said...

Pr0n should be abolished. The men are ugly, the women are plastic, the acting atrocious. Worse of all, no foreplay.

Desparil said...

i was wondering what the heck the pokok was for.. now i know..

[V]landa said...

lily,

even in real life i aint getting no foreplay.

lilyliverbird said...

vlanda,
ain't that the truth sistah! Let's just abolish men. They are redundant in modern day society.

Rt Hon Sir Cipan Nougat-Tenuk said...

vlanda & lils,

Let's just abolish society.

Then there's no more rules and we can fore-play all we want ... ooops we'll have to kill off all the golfers first kot ... hmmm :P

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