Tuesday, May 22, 2007

Pazuzu In Da House, Yo!

Disclaimer:
This is not a racist post. Being Indian, it is my God-given right to speak, behave and comment on issues that pertain to black people. Ya' dig?


What is up, my fellow Negroes? Have you managed to persuade any bitches and HOs to perform oral sex on you lately? If so, I am pleased for you! Let us engage in an unnecessarily-elaborate handshake ritual immediately!

Okay. Now that the pleasantries are out of the way, I would like to ask my fellow brethren (especially my Indian brethren) a question. And that question is:

What the fuck?

I mean, don't you have enough problems as it is, you have to pretend that your ancestors were brought here as slaves, and because of that you have to spell your name with numbers and talk in rhymes to generic beats?

Let me say here that I'm not against black music. It's rap I don't get. I can't relate to it.
Black people used to SING about stuff that people could relate to. There was a time when, you'd have a black guy with only a slide-guitar, and he'd be wailing on and on about how he "done drank hisself a bottle of bourbon" because some "Devil-woman done stole his soul".

Now that's something we can all relate to.

But now, we have a bunch of Indian guys in some reality-talent show rapping about how difficult life is "in the hood" and it's all because of "Da Police" or something.

What the hell? What "hood"? Bangsar? Taman Tun? Where?

If you're Indian and you absolutely must rap, can't you rap about something that affects your community?
I mean, Denzel Washington has already won his Oscar, but Acappan hasn't won Best Actor for Whatever Acting Awards Thingy They Have Here, as far as I know. And that is an outrage!
Here's a sample of what would make a good Indian rap:

I climbed to the top of Everest
Then I died, but they won't let me have a Rest
In Peace, Yo!

And that's just off the top of my head.
Idiots.

And don't get me started on you Women. Because I'm going to start anyway:

Some moron MPs make a joke in parliament and you're all pretending to be outraged and shit, but when a black guy raps about leaving his bitches and HOs after they've performed an act that is unmentionable here because it is a family-friendly blog that would never use such words as blowjob, you're all bumping and grinding and humping the dance-floor like you're Beyonce or something.

If the MPs had said it in rap format, would that have made it ok?

Jasin: Batu Gajah leaks every month!
Featuring Beyonce: Uh huh! Uh huh!

Kinabatangan: Batu Gajah leaks every month, yo!
Featuring Beyonce: Fo' Shizzel My Nizzel!

Hah! I could just see all you women throwing your hands in the air and waving them like you just don't care as you read that.

I have many more examples of how you lot have about as much credibility as Vanilla Ice, but unfortunately I'm leaving now to drink myself a bottle of bourbon because some Devil-woman done changed the locks on my door.

Yo.




Soalan Bonus:

What's the deal with 50 Cent? Why does he pronounce his name Fi'ty Cent? Does he have a speech impediment? How come he can pronounce the first F but not the second?

Discuss.

48 comments:

princesswaffzonkle said...

omg! are u milli or vanilli?

pazuzu said...

Princesswaffzonkle,
Dont be silli. I'm neither milli. Nor vanilli. Is it me or is it chilli. It seems to have affected my willi.

Su-Yin said...

Dude, it's FIDDY CENT. Goddamn injuns just can't get shit right.

And when is the band playing again? How can you reduce me to a groupie with no band to follow?
Racist bastard.

pazuzu said...

Suyin,
Amazing. So there's a correct way to incorrectly spell fifty?

Band's on hiatus coz some Devil-woman done stole my Mojo.
Bitch Ho Person!

A Babe Of Very Little Brain said...

his tongue is not long enough.

Ariel said...

i can put some bourbon at the altar too, if you like.

Leen Ash Burn said...

Yew play in a band? Oooh *swoons*

A Babe Of Very Little Brain said...

leen, he thinks he's Jasmine of NRG.

Funk Father BulaT said...

eh dude, which reality show is this lah..?i must watch.. jokers!
eh, u know therez a small time east-west war kinda shit happening in our local indian rap scene..?? the words are brutal, sial!

oh well..every indian is a nigga wannabe.. especially when they step into Jln Telawi..
walkin wif a limp,
thinkin hez a pimp..
yeah rite! fuckin imb'..

Rt Hon Sir Cipan Nougat-Tenuk said...

The Roof's gone Phut
by Wee Sammy V

Yo!

The roof's now fallin'
-Wear a wig!
The roof's now leakin'
-Wear a wig!

Ya want some fixin'?
Ya gotta start payin'
cos Ah just gotta
- Buy a wig!

pazuzu said...

Babe,
The how come can pronounce the first F?

Ariel,
If it's not too much to ask, can you put some ice too?

Leen,
Uh huh. And it's way better than that silly NRG too!

Babe,
see above :p

Funkfb,
There are East Coast Indians? Where? Terengganu?

Sir Cipan,
Woah..that's like dissing Tupac. Prepare for a drive-by soon.

funk father bulat said...

i said 'kind of' lah!!! there are like two rap groups dissin each other in their songs... :oP
___________________________________
WORK....? BUT WHY ?

y must we be workin'?
y cant we just make videos like niggaz rappin'?
y cant them managers stop barkin'?
and maybe start listening'?
itz us who get all the butt kickin'...
while all they do is cock-suckin'...
and bend over for bangin'
ma'fucka, i ain't trippin'
just gonna keep ryhmin'
gonna keep ma juice flowin'
keep ma lyrics slammin'
till i get rich or die tryin'!!!!!!!!!!

by Bulat da' Sexysaphien, May 2004

A Babe Of Very Little Brain said...

i'll definitely not be throwing my knickers at you when you go onstage.

*walks off with huffily and puffily*

*merajuk mode on*

Leen Ash Burn said...

but can YOU sing Toys r Us with feelings? And most importantly, do you remember the Akademi Fantasia's Menuju Puncak's dance step?

pazuzu said...

Funk,
WORK? HERE's WHY...
Bar tabs, man. Gotta pay them bills.

pazuzu said...

Babe,
You'll be back...

pazuzu said...

Leen,
I can TOO sing the Toys R Us song with feeling.
Can't do the AF thing but I can do...The Running Man!!
Can Jasmine do The Running Man?
Look at my cool self!
I'm running in place!
I'm Running! I'm runn..Huh?
Whose knickers are these?

Told u she'd be back.

funk father bulaT said...

damn!u've got a point there man... eh if i vote fr PUNDAK will u abolish beer and liqour duties? or at least reduce them to half? hehehe...alcoholica baby!!!

DrowsyStar said...

Fo' Shizzel! Just found your blog today, and I hereby sign on as your fifth loyal reader;)
If Bangsar's the 'hood, what's Brickfields?

pazuzu said...

funkFB,
When I win, beer will be FREE!

drowsystar,
Brickfields is Hell.

lilyliverbird said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
lilyliverbird said...

and when martin luther king envisioned his dream, he didn't foresee black men being glofied pims with hos chained to their belt.

Think only you can talk politics ah? hahahahahah

lilyliverbird said...

eh..i meant glorified pimps, yo

pazuzu said...

Lily,
I see you're killing time before the match.

Leen Ash Burn said...

Pazuzu, Jasmine does not do the Running Man because it stopped being cool after that ice cream Uncle infront of Star stopped selling ice cream using his bicycle and upgrade to the white van.

funk father bulat said...

hmm...how come i don't rememeber this ice-cream uncle outside Star? remember the karipap house inside Sigs menengah though :o) damn! anyways:
GARAGE SALE @ ANFIELD:
LiverFOOL selling their empty throphy cabinets. BuahHHAHHAHA!!!
die mofos!!!! wooHOOOOO!!!!!
glory glory man utd!!!!!!!
yeah,yeah we didnt make it to the final and lost the FA Cup but at least we've one throphy!! sorry, just been getting too much shit from LiverFool fans eversince we lost to milan the other day... itz payback!
Vote PUNDAK fr free beeR!!!!!!!

pazuzu said...

leen,
Well can Jasmine say "Betty bought some butter but the butter betty bought was bitter so betty bought some better butter which was better than the butter betty bought before", like, really really fast?
Huh?
Can he?

pazuzu said...

funkFB,
You're ManU? Prepare for the backlash. There will be one.

funk father bulat said...

bring it on man!!! ARSEnal played impressive soccer this season.. i'll give u that lah.. but dude, u have to win sumthing.. just like liverFool this morning.. played well but just can't score enough can they now...? :o)
glory glory man utd!!!!

eh,u said brickfields is hell.. but itz alcoholics' heaven man... duty free beer and liqour.... these fellas even give out party packs on NYE lah wei...

Leen Ash Burn said...

Pazuzu,

Well, can you??

And it's not: Betty bought some butter but the butter betty bought was bitter so betty bought some better butter which was better than the butter betty bought before lah.

It's: Betty bought some butter but the butter betty bought was bitter so betty bought some better butter to make the butter betty bought better.

Rt Hon Sir Cipan Nougat-Tenuk said...

Aiyoh,

How can the president of the party cannot sing AF's Menuju Pundak?

Go wear a wig and stand in that corner.

And it's : Betty Baby bought da butter for the brudder but the brudder buttered Betty and buggered Betty so bitter buttered Betty bit the brudder.
Hard. Where it really hurts.

pazuzu said...

funkFB,
Brickfields beer and liquour is actually paraquat mixed with more paraquat.

betty said...

Leen,
Pazuzu's version is correct. You can't really make old butter better by buying new butter.


Sir Cipan,
That was just one time in college when I was going through a food-experimentation phase.

pazuzu said...

Leen,
I CAN!
I'll have you know that I am also the record-holder in Holiday Plaza McDonalds for saying "Two all-beef patties special-sauce lettuce cheese pickles onions on a sesame-seed bun" in under 5 seconds, a feat that earned me a free Big Mac or something.
The blonde Chinese tailor from Dex Design told me Jasmine took 23 seconds, and didnt even get a free sundae.
Hah!

veronica said...

You can butter me anytime, Betty.

betty said...

Come here, you. Mmmmmm....

veronica said...

Oooohhhh....

pazuzu said...

WooHoooo!!!

snots said...

u r one crazy bugger. I love you............

Rt Hon Sir Cipan Nougat-Tenuk said...

Aiyah ... I asked you to learn Menuju Pundak lah, not the one with the different vowel.

Typical politician ...

jutawan solo said...

fuck! this is disgusting.
show me a floppy labia and i will be right there.

galadriel said...

Fity Cent kena tembak satu gigi laa. That's why he sound like that. But i believe he was an asshole before.

U know Pazuzu, being a girl I can choose to pretend to be outraged by wot u say, but then I must say u r right.

I hav known (and known of) lotsa local Indian chicks who behave exactly that way. Beyonce wannabes n all.

I am kinda baffled. I get the need to belong, I get the diluted sense of identity, but I don't get the blind aping.

We have to thank the blacks for jazz, swing, soul...and i can see the the angst that bred rap. But today's black music (not all of course) seems to celebrate thuggery, wears illiteracy like a war medal, and the music videos sells sex even more than white acts do.

Sheesh...i'm rambling. Sorry man...and must say i like ur posts. Ur a kindred spirit with a cleverer way of saying things that I too feel strongly about.

gemma said...

update lah dei. you are lazier than a malay.

charlie chaples said...

wei pazuzu ! update la macha...boring la lu! ak ela cepat la update...dok buat apa tuh...

anttyk said...

Update update update update update Update update update update update Update update update update update Update update update update update Update update update update update.

jolie said...

hey stop writing the rap song and start writing the new entry, Yo! or..u were actually busy attending akad nikah in seri perdana?

lilyliverbird said...

typical politician. tokkok then go M.I.A.

Anonymous said...

ur the best pazuzu! Ange|_5