Tuesday, December 05, 2006

Men Invented The Glass Floor, Women Think It's A Ceiling

No thanks to bloggers like Lily Liverbird and her Cult of People Who Tell Me I Suck (CoPWTMIS), Men are now being blamed for every single thing that plagues the world.

One of these things is The Glass Ceiling, which is, as you know, a ceiling that prevents women from climbing up to The Next Level and rearranging all the furniture.

Lily and CoPWTMIS will have you believe that Men invented this ceiling because they're afraid that women will Take Over The World, effectively reducing the role of men to drinking beer and burping.

Well, as Blogger of the Year, I am here to tell you that I have stumbled upon a Revelation!

A revelation that will Shock You!

Were it not for the fact that I have already revealed it in The Title!

Yes. According to Reliable Sources, the Glass Ceiling was originally designed by men as a floor.
Men invented this for the same reason they invented Shoe Polish and That Little Round Pencil-Sharpener With The Mirror On It:

They want to see what kind of knickers women are wearing.

Soalan Bonus For Men:
When you were in school, and your teacher who wore a short skirt sat down, what Method, besides "dropping the pencil", did you use to see her knickers? Discuss.

As such, it is actually in the best interests of Men that Women are above The Glass Ceiling.

So what exactly is keeping women from rising to The Next Level, you might ask. Or you might not ask. I don't really care. I'm going to tell you anyway. It's:

Other Women!

I'm sure this revelation would have Shocked You were it not for the fact that I have already revealed it in the post at the bottom of this page!

Ask yourself:

How many times have you heard women say "I hate working for women bosses"?

And how many times have you witnessed the following scenario where two women meet:

Woman 1: Hieeeeeeee!!!!
Woman2: Oh! Hieeeeeeee!!!
Woman 1: Muah Muah
Woman 2: Muah Muah
Woman 1: I just loooove what you're wearing!!!!
Woman 2: Oh? This thing? I just threw it on lah!
Woman 1: Well it looks absolutely gorgeous!
Woman 2: Oh! hee hee heee...errr...hey, there's my date...I guess I better go now...take care
Woman 1: Okay! Byeeeeeee!
Woman 2: Byeeeeeee!

Then Woman 1 turns around and looks at you with the following expression:

Woman 1: What a fucking bitch! Did you SEE what she was wearing?!!
You: Huh?
Woman 1: I can't stand that bitch!
You: Huh?
Woman 1: Fucking slut!
You: Our Father in Heaven, Holy be Your Name....

So you see, it is, in fact, Women who keep themselves from rising above The Glass Ceiling. Because All Women Hate Each Other!
And they have the nerve to suggest that the world would be a better place if it was run by them!
I shudder at the thought. And you should shudder too. I like saying shudder. Shudder shudder shudder. Why should we shudder, you ask?
Consider the following shuddering glimpse into an alternate reality:

The world is experiencing an acute shortage of Vanilla-scented candles. Some countries in Africa only have Sandalwood incense-sticks. And even that is running low on supply.
The Leaders of The World have gathered in The United Nations to address this issue:

MALAYSIA: Did you SEE what Thailand is wearing?
INDONESIA: I can't stand that bitch!
MALAYSIA: What a slut!
THAILAND: Hieeeeeee!!!!!
SINGAPORE: Hieeeeeee!!!!
MALAYSIA: Go away.
SINGAPORE: Ohmygod! Is someone, like, smoking in here?
MALAYSIA: Just ignore her.
INDONESIA: Heyyouguys....have you heard the
INDONESIA: Oh...I can't say
MALAYSIA: Come on lah-come on lah
INDONESIA: But I promised I wouldn't...
MALAYSIA: AlaComeOnLah!!!!
INDONESIA: Okay...but you didn't hear it from me...
SINGAPORE: I really think, like, someone's smoking in here.
MALAYSIA: Shut the fuck up! Okay, Indonesia...continue.
INDONESIA: Okay...Israel and America...you know...
No waaayy!
Way waayyy!
THAILAND: They're fucking?
SINGAPORE: Hey! You said the F word!
MALAYSIA: I knew it! Bloody Lesbos!
SINGAPORE: Hey!!! Who stuck chewing gum in my hair? Get it out! Get it out! Get it ooooouuuuuttttttttt!!!!!!!!
AMERICA: What's all this commotion!
THAILAND: Someone put chewing gum in Singapore's hair.
AMERICA: Okay! Who put chewing gum in Singapore's hair?
MALAYSIA: giggle giggle giggle
AMERICA: If nobody admits it, you're all going to be punished!
MALAYSIA: giggle giggle giggle
ISRAEL: whisper whisper whisper
AMERICA: What's that?
ISRAEL: whisper whisper whiper
AMERICA: Yes, dear
ISRAEL: whisper whisper whisper
AMERICA: Yes, munchkin...
ISRAEL: whisper whisper whisper
AMERICA: Ahem...well, it has come to my attention that Iraq has been thinking about the possibility of maybe sometime in the future acquiring the means to possess chewing-gum related ingredients!
IRAQ: Huh?
AMERICA: Hand over your chewing-gum related ingredients! Now!
IRAQ: Please not to be bothering me while I am shoving this dildo-like apparatus up the asshole of Kuwait!
KUWAIT: Aaaahhhh!!!!
AMERICA: If you do not comply, we will launch a nucular dildo up your ass!!!
IRAQ: Fuck you, Israel's Bitch!
AMERICA: This is WAR!!!!!
BRITAIN: Whatever you say!
MALAYSIA: giggle giggle giggle

So as you can see, women will NOT make the world a better place if they were in charge.
And I for one am willing to sacrifice not seeing their knickers in order to ensure that they remain firmly below The Glass Ceiling.
It's a small price to pay to ensure that the world remains safely in the hands of Men.
Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to have a beer.


lilyliverbird said...

Tito and Toto bumped into each other at a pub. Tito is with a boleh-tahan only babe.

Yo niggah...wassssuuuuup dude..
Yo dude....wasssssssssssuuuuuuuuup niggah
*slaps shoulders and clasp hands, think they are Mr Cool*

Tito goes get the beer. Toto hits on Tito's babe.

a babe in a glass dress said...

will you marry me?

DareDevil8 said...

the heck with seeing the knickers bro.,we wanna to get into the knickers!

pazuzu said...

yo lily,
why you be dissin' me and my homies?

whoa! this relationship is moving too fast for me...

baby steps, baby steps

DareDevil8 said...

what's the problem with u and SPEED.

this overindulgent with all this govermental lies of 'SPEED KILLS' is way beyond me.

just get into BABE's KNICKER and settled it once and for all,bro

pugly said...

Hahaha! You're actually quite funny, you know?

Maybe Lily & you are made for each other ... ? (Dare I suggest that???!!)

mabuk said...


Apparently, speed is not an issue with you either when it comes to typing. Because you have managed to type three incomprehensible sentences laced with so many grammatical and spelling errors.

I could make more sense than your comment even if I typed 'Memory is like clams before the storm'.

Though it does explain why you have to speedily get into a chick's knickers immediately after you set eyes on her - you'll probably lose the chance and gain a fist to the face if you so much as wait 5 seconds to ask for her name.

pazuzu said...

errr...this overindulgent with all this govermental lies of 'SPEED KILLS' is way beyond ME too...

thank you...but Lily hates me coz I don't wash my clothes.

wow..memory IS like clams before the storm! now excuse me while i take another drag of this joint...