Wednesday, January 17, 2007

Weekend Fun: Did ENO I'm Being Sued Too?



Apparently the Malaysian Blogging Community (MBC) is up in arms over some bloggers who are being sued. Or something.
MBC is so pissed off over this development that all their members are putting up this logo on their blogs:






I refuse to put the above logo on my blog! I am pissed-off with the MBC.
Firstly, I am offended by the term Bloggers United. What a stupid name. Surely, a better, more attack-minded name would be An Arsenal of Bloggers.
Secondly, while they're all BlaBla-ing away about supporting those bloggers, nobody seems to give a shit about me!

Yes.
I too, am being sued, dammit.

But where's my Reformasi?
Where's the fucking tabung for my defence?
How come nobody's taking to the streets and setting parking meters on fire on my behalf?
Where's my face-on-a-t-shirt?

You know what, MBC? Forget it.
I'll fight my fight Alone.
I don't need you, MBC!
And my logos are better than your logos! Hah!

Anyway, as I said, I am being sued. I received this letter yesterday:


________________________________________________

Lingam, Singam, Singam,
Token-Bumi-Guy, Lingam & Associates

Advocates and Solicitors
Long Bar,
Selangor Club,
Kuala Lumpur.
Tel: Enganged

-------------------------------------------------------------------


Mr Pazuzu,
Weekend Fun,
The Floating Turd,
Blogspot.Com



RE: We're going to sue you and nobody cares, not even the MBC


With regards to the above matter, and by using the word verily very much, we verily would like to inform your goodself that your goodself is being sued by our goodselves on behalf of our Client, Absolut Vodka.

It has, verily, come to our utmost attention that your goodself has recommended that my Client's product be used in a sick, but we must admit, humourous game called Uday, Qusay, BOOM!

Verily, this is verily unacceptable to our Client.

Please verily pay our goodselves a verily verily big load of moolah verily soon. Alternatively, you may verily offer our Client verily free advertising space on your blog, which is verily verily funny.

Row row row your boat, gently down the stream.
Verily verily verily verily, life is but a dream.
(The above sentence is a play on the word "merrily". It was used to show you that we in the legal profession can be humourous too.)

Verily.

Yours Verily,

Linga..no wait...I mean, Singam.

Advocate/Solicitor

______________________________________________




I have decided, at the risk of being called a wussy, not to fight the charges. Because, frankly, I don't trust the Malaysian Judicial System. I mean, seriously, would you put your fate in the hands of Malaysian Judges, who don't even have the good judgement to not wear a dress and a comical wig to work everyday?

Not me.
No way.
So lets get this over and done with, okay?
Here's the free ad:








So there.
It has been done.
I hope that, after this, no other company will sue me for using their Brand Name inappropriately.
On that note, let's get on with this week's fun installment of Weekend Fun!

Fun With ENO!

Fun With ENO is a fun yet uneducational way for you and the kids to spend the weekend.
To start playing, you will need:

1) A bottle of ENO
2) Some sugar
3) Some empty bottles
4) Some water
5) A place that has many ants

Each player is given one empty bottle.
To play, first pour some ENO into the bottles, followed by a thinner layer of sugar.
Then wait until a Swat team of ants invades the bottles, lured in by the sugar:






Stop when exactly 100 ants are in the bottle, and stomp on the remaining ants. Make sure you don't get caught by a naked RSPCA member.
Then, quickly fill the bottles with water.
When you do this, the fizz from the ENO will cause most of the ants to pop out of the bottle, like this:





The player with the most ants out of the bottle at the end of the round wins!

To make the game more interesting, each ant may represent 1 Ringgit, like a casino chip.
You may take your winning ants to Genting and ask the friendly casino personnel to redeem them for cash. Make sure you wear a suit or a batik shirt, so that they won't think you're some kind of wacko.

So there you have it! This week's edition of...no wait. There's more!


More Fun With ENO!

Using the Memory-Loss Method of Socialising, made popular by Mahathir and Soros, get yourself invited to the home of someone you hate.

Bring along a bottle of ENO.

When your host is not looking, sneak into the kitchen and replace his Coffeemate with the ENO.

Then, at the end of the evening, when he asks you if you would like some coffee, say:

"No thank you. But you carry on."

Then just sit back and enjoy your Weekend Fun!


So there you have it. This has been another edition of Weekend Fun. I will continue to bring you more fun things to do next week, even if I have to risk being sued.
Because, aw shucks, that's just the kinda guy I am.
Till then, I remain your Ultimate Funtasy, Pazuzu.

Now Flush Off and enjoy the weekend, you crazy wanker, you!




xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


The idea for using ENO to pop ants originally came from my friend Daryl, who shared the idea with me one day while I was setting fire to a cockroach-dipped-in-Ronsonol on a Nescafe tin (don't ask).
I thought I should mention this before the MBC accuses me of Plagiarism, a crime which the MBC believes is punishable by Death.


8 comments:

[Is]landa said...

Daryl is a genius.

lilyliverbird said...

Is Daryl better looking than you?

daryl said...

The flaming cockroach on a nescafe tin would be considered a delicacy in some cultures.

I think i should form a governing body for the sport of eno-ant-popping. Maybe someday there'll be a world cup for that. A Malaysian might even win a medal.

I think this should be on our AstroNatan's experiment list.

pazuzu said...

islanda,
it is forbidden to compliment anyone other than me on this site. Or any other site, for that matter.
I'll let you off with a warning this time.

lily,
No one's better looking than me. Except maybe Datuk Mohamad Rahmat.

Daryl,
I'm training wildly now for your Eno Games. Am going for Gold.

a babe of very little brain said...

oh pazuuuzuuuu .. you simply do not know the weight of my love for you ...

i would love to burn cockroaches too but can't bear to touch one. so i pour clorox or toilet cleaner on them when i see them lurking in the dark and damp bathroom corners.

as for the ants, i feed them to the spiders.

pazuzu said...

babe,

Sigh. The weight of your love for me = The weight of your love for every single blogger whose comment box you seem to be in.
That's some really heavy love. :)

btw, what's toilet cleaner?

Another cockroach-killing tip: Sellotape the buggers down and watch them squirm for hours, wondering what the hell is going on.

a babe of very little brain said...

what to do ... i have loads of it to spread.

pazuzu said...

babe,
you certainly do. Think Bloggers United are united by you. :D